just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
