I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
