If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
