if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
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