the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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