I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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