Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
