I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
It's blow job season.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
