I think i sorta joined a cult last night
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize