Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
