he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
