After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Randomize
