I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
