i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
