If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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