Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
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