I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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