You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
