i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
