That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
