I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
This show inspires me to have sex in space
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Randomize
