So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
