First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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