so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize