we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
