you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
