Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Send help, water and tortillas.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
