Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
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