I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
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