Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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