I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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