??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
