i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
