She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
