i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
