why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
