I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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