i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
