you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
