She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
