AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
