I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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