Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
