I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize