and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
