the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
