By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
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