There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
