I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize