Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
