I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
