its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Randomize