I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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