this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize