They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
