it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
