I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
