I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Someone came in the potted fern
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
