3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
zippers are such a cool invention
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
