Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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