i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
