Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
porn star boner night. come get it.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
did i walk over a car last night?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize