i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
