I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
