Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
