It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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