Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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