So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
