the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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