So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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