Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
